For all the good it is doing me, I might as well hang that MBA in the bathroom
Posted by Glenn on September 14th, 2009I was traveling the other day, and was bored enough to start reading the in-flight magazine from the seat pocket in front of me. I came across a one page synopsis of new book purporting to help small to mid-size business management. The title, “Profits aren’t everything, they’re the only thing (No nonsense rules from the ultimate contrarian and small-business guru)” was catchy enough, as was the title of the article—”Tough Guise.”
In the short article were five points, which I quote verbatim here.
1. Love your business more than your family. Leaving early for little Suzy’s ballet recital won’t cut it. She’ll pout and stamp her feet now, but she’ll thank you later when you can pay for college.
2. Delegate, don’t abdicate. Never hand over the reins, no matter how senior the employee.
3. I am your work god! Tell your employees: “Don’t think; obey.” You want them to do what you say, not what they think.
4. Forget teamwork. Team meetings should be quick an informational, not motivational. Group hugs don’t improve performance.
5. You’re not in business to pay your vendors. Stretch out payments from 30 days to 60 or 90 days. Your vendors are your best source of interest-free financing.
My first reaction on reading this was, I assume, the same as yours. Namely, checking the publication date to make sure that this wasn’t an April Fools issue. My second reaction was to question my training. I am the proud holder of an MBA, but I am not too big a man to admit to being more than a little baffled by this. I can’t remember this being taught in any of my business classes (although to be fair, I didn’t actually take any business classes).
But now I understand why this guy is writing books while I’m the proud holder an MBA stuck managing a small lab in a second rate town in the northeast. Oh how I regret the time I spent at baseball and soccer games with little Suzy. What an idiot I was to let people do what they were paid to do rather than do it myself. How could I hire people who were actually smarter than I am, and then go ahead and let them think for themselves? I rue the day that I hired people to work as a team. And I really am sorry about all those group hugs. Luckily, however, I work for an organization that apparently enjoys annoying vendors, so I’ve got that working for me.
