My goal in starting this blog nearly 1 year ago, was not only to entertain but to inform. That I generally fail at both of the these goals is beside the point, because every once in a while an event occurs that is just so trenchant and makes such a strong statement about who we are as a country, that sharing it with my readers will undoubtedly engender much thanks and praise.
This weekend, we found ourselves on our annual ski weekend at King Pine. Yesterday while driving back to our hotel from partaking in the best that Conway, New Hampshire has to offer in medical clinics, we found ourselves in a long line of traffic, led by a rather tricked out pickup truck. This conveyance, which was adorned with cop-like lights on the top of the cab, various chrome highlights surrounding the bed, and appeared to have significant engine modifications, was traveling at a rate which suggested that the speedometer must have been calibrated 10 miles/hour below the actual speed. As the cars between our own and said truck peeled off, we soon found ourselves directly behind this slow moving vehicle.
Because the road was both single lane and winding, it would have been neither smart nor, technically, legal, to pass, so we were able to follow him for a good 5 miles, which gave us even more time to admire the artistic vision of the auteur that owned this pokey vehicle. We soon noticed an odd attachment dangling from the beneath the the trailer hitch. My heart skipped a beat, as I realized that I had finally witnessed what I had only heard vague rumblings about. Yes, folks, I had seen my first pair of Truck Nuts. (The following picture is only a representation, not the actual truck (or nuts) in question).
I had first heard of these elusive novelties on the The Daily Show (they make their appearance about a minute and half into the clip). I had originally thought that these were something that the funny folks on the staff of the The Daily Show came up with, but a quick search on The Google proved me wrong. There are apparently a wealth of on-line e-tailers that do a brisk business with these. According to these sites, truck nuts are “are the perfect truck accessory,” and warnings such as “Buyers Be Aware: You may see imitations, however you won’t find any equal to our Second Generation Truck Balls! (includes hanging chain and brass lock )” (which would indicate that these are desirable enough that you need to secure them against nefarious bands of nut robbers).
According to Wikipedia, these were first marketed a decade ago. How is that I’ve never heard of them until late last year, and had never seen a pair in the wild until this weekend? To be sure, these could be considered by many to be offensive, and a number of states (including Florida and Virginia) have either banned them outright or are working to do so, so it could be that the areas of the country I frequent have a little more taste than other sections.
But I think it is mostly selection bias. I suspect that pickup trucks make up a much smaller percentage of all motor vehicles in the Commonwealth that other places in the country. Which means that there is a vast untapped market for non-truck adornments, which I now propose to exploit. Take a look at the mockup below, and tell me if you don’t agree that I’ve got a winner on my hands.
