There is a old family story that involves my mother. It seems that when she was a young girl, she was somewhat of a “Tomboy.” For those of you raised in what passes for our seemingly gender neutral age, that meant that she didn’t prefer to dress like a girl and would rather play baseball than play house. This was apparently of some concern to her mother, so much so that each year she would give her a doll in the hopes that she would finally come to her senses and play with it. It never worked.
After years of trying to interest her in joys of domestic bliss, one of her relatives (I’ve forgotten who) capitulated and for her birthday gave her a carpentry set. Another relative made the usually fruitless gift of a doll. To everyone’s surprise, my mother immediately took the doll in her arms and named her “Madeline,” and headed straight to her room to play with it.
My grandmother was thrilled beyond measure. Finally, this daughter of hers was beginning to see the light. This thrill lasted for about 2 hours, after which time my mother returned to the living room with Madeline, or to be more precise, pieces of Madeline. My mother had used the carpentry set to dismember the doll. Suffice it to say, that was the last time my mother received a doll as a gift (except for, of course, the actual birth of her eldest—and favorite—son).
What made me think of this story is the following picture that has been making its way through the web. This is from a do-it-yourself site, called Design Sponge.
I am not sure whether this is really clever or really creepy, but either way, the directions are hilarious:
1. Dismember your doll
2. Arrange hands and feet on board in an order you like. Space them evenly apart, marking their positions with a pen or pencil. Set limbs aside.
3. Drill 3 holes per limb. I counter sank the holes so the board would lie flat against the wall. Make sure your holes will not come too close to the edge of the limb, because the screw make poke out of the side of a hand or foot.
4. Position keyhole hanger and mark the spot. Chisel out the wood until the hanger fits snugly and until the drywall screws’ heads fit.
5. Sand your wood a little and paint it. Let dry.
6. Put some glue on limbs. Screw them on. Let dry.
7. Put anchors and screws in your wall and hang up your new coat rack. Hang up your coats and jackets.
Too bad my mother didn’t know about this at the time, as I’m sure her doll parts were disposed of in a less prosaic manner.